Coram Deo

To the one who is disappointed because I don’t call often enough. (Or don’t call ever) (This could apply to so many of you.)

2011-07-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

I want to tell you what I am doing this evening. It’s hot inside my house, making the shade of the front deck so much more inviting. Truth is, however, I like it out here because there are people everywhere. Driving by in cars and on bikes, walking purposefully with their companions, parking firetrucks in the firehall across the street. There are people. Just people. And that comforts me. They laugh, they talk, they honk their horns. Essentially they communicate with one another. The sound of it all seems wonderful and somehow hopeful to me.

I am sitting by myself. All alone on the front step of my house. I sit here because I feel lonely. I rarely allow myself the luxury of that particular emotion. I mean, truth is, I rarely stop long enough to allow that particular voice to make itself known. But today, due to an unexplained physical malady that has zapped all of my energy for days, I just don’t have the gumption to do anything but sit. That has made ignoring my thoughts very hard. So my heart has begun to speak.

My heart tells me that I am lonely and that I miss you. But I won’t pick up the phone to call. That seems risky. Too risky. After all, there is no telling what would await me there. A sigh of disappointment? An awkward conversation about the weather that never really says anything? Or will you just be too busy to talk to me at all?

In any event, even if I called, it wouldn’t be me on the other end of the line talking to you. It would be my shadow. A shapeless, shifting, fuzzy form that barely even reflects my true shape at all. A dull representation of who I actually am. The real me would be listening in perfect silence from somewhere deep within. I won’t let you see me, not really. You wouldn’t like it. I know this because once upon a time I let a little of my real self shine through. But you reacted. Somehow you recoiled, jumped back, like you had touched the untouchable. Or maybe it was like fire to you, like a red hot element? I don’t really know. But react you did. And it felt like you scowled in disapproval, furrowed your brow in disappointment. What is it about me that makes people do that?

So I quickly snapped the lid back on the box. Careful not to open it again. But today, as I sit here alone, and quiet, I can hear me calling out, “Hey let me out, let them see me, let them hear me, let them know who I am. I am lonely in here.” “Shhh, hush my shadow whispers back. That seems risky. Too risky.” And so I just sit here, my shadow and I, all alone, watching the people go by.

longing for another way

2010-02-25T09:52:00.000-08:00

There are strong cords of passionate thought running through my spirit.

A longing for God . . .

Firstly, there is simply this burning desire for God. I am desperate to experience Him in all His glory, to see His beauty in all it’s fullness. And I am restless beyond belief as I long to see the power of God released around me, to see the Kingdom of God spread like fire throughout my community and all of creation. I feel like a child that can hardly sit still, wriggling around in my seat waiting for my Teacher to say that the schoolwork is done and it is time to run.

A longing for oneness . . .

Then there is this longing for unity. Real unity in the Body of Christ. Not just the dull compromised version that I see in virtually every church I have ever stepped into. I am not blaming anyone. Ironically, I think we have all worked together to miss the mark. But I believe that real unity will come and that the Spirit is moving to bring it about. And I believe it will be beautiful beyond belief. A young friend of mine said something so profound yesterday about snow. Something I already knew, but suddenly seemed so important. The Body of Christ is like snow. Snow is one. It is a beautiful, pure, white blanket that covers the earth. But if you looked closely, if you were to examine the snow, you would find incredible, sparkling little snowflakes, each one completely unique, each one different from the other. Unity happens, and becomes a powerful force, when diversity is allowed the freedom to thrive and shine. We need to come to a place where we are excited about our differences as churches and individuals. Rather than pushing for all to “conform” we need to allow for room to "transform".

A longing for freedom . . .

Which brings me to the next thing that my heart has been aching for. Freedom. Particularly the freedom that we will experience when we allow the Holy Spirit to be free. Free to move in us as He sees fit. Not as we think He should. I am restless and desperate to see the Holy Spirit move unhindered by the control of man, but there is fear in the way. Let’s face it we are all control freaks and find a multitude of ways to put out the Spirit’s fire, to quench His work in our hearts and lives. Because somewhere deep within us we know that if we allowed God to freely move, anything could happen. We act like God has no power on earth anymore, but aren’t we really afraid that He will reach down His mighty hand and shake us up, take us to places we could never return from? And isn’t the pressure we apply to each other to “conform” just our fear manifesting as a need to control?

A longing for another way . . .

In looking for a fresh and true movement of the Spirit of God, I have visited some churches which seemed very different at first glance. What I have discovered was that ultimately we are all the same at the core. Controlled. One church is very conservative, very orderly, very structured, leaving little or no room for the Holy Spirit to move. Another uses the Spirit of God as a tool to distribute blessing, experience and gifts to their people, without realizing that they are trying to control God, instead of giving Him free reign in His wisdom to do what will always be ultimately better. I believe both are well intentioned, genuine Believers who are trying to serve God and their people. However, they have not let go of control.

The result is the same either way. The Spirit is unable to move freely in the Body of Christ. Man stands in the way. While God could certainly move anyway if He chose to, He doesn’t. At all times God remains a Gentleman and we are allowed free will.

As for me, I am searching for another option. One which allows the Spirit of God to move when He wants to move and however He decides is best. A place where the people of God give Him space, freedom and opportunity, then wait on Him in eager expectation, believing that God is generous and loves to give gifts to His children. Believing that God knows the right gift to give each different child. Believing that He is all wise, all knowing, all powerful and always fulfills His promises when the time is exactly right.

I have to admit this is by far the scariest possibility. Because if we really believe that God is all He says He is, we are preparing to unleash a power and force that is absolutely beyond our control. The Hands that formed the universe will begin to reshape our lives, our world and our very hearts. He will leave nothing unchanged. We will lose everything and yet gain all things in the same breath. This is mystery of Christ’s words, “whoever loses His life for me will find it.”

So how is all this related? I think it is a call to the churches of Christ to take a hard look at the heart of what God wants to do within them. Let go of control. Hold to the truth of God’s Word, but don’t force anyone to conform to man-made rules and knowledge. Open up the door to let the wind of Spirit blow through the Church. What will that look like? Ultimately, God will come near, in all His glory, moving freely. Without hindrance He will shape each one of us individually to perfection, and bring us all together into beautiful unity that sparkles with diversity. Then we will go out, as one Body. The Body of Christ walking in power through a hurting world, bringing the Kingdom of God to the earth and shining radiant light into darkness. Amen. Come Father, Come Lord Jesus, Come Holy Spirt and move in freedom through Your Church.

understanding shame and cultural genocide

2010-01-23T10:14:00.000-08:00

It seems the only time I find to blog anymore is when something really upsets me. Some injustice in the world that I am powerless to do anything about, but have to get off my chest or I feel my heart will explode from holding it in. Some fact of life that we are all asleep to the reality of. Then suddenly I wake up long enough to see it clearly and let a little of the heartbreak that God must feel seep into my spirit.

Yesterday I spent several hours with a friend. A beautiful, intelligent, funny woman who lives in a state of awakeness that the rest of us should envy. Maybe because of everything she has seen, experienced and overcome in her life, she seems to have a much better grasp on reality than most people I know and she really sees the world for what it is. She is a native woman. Or an “Indian” woman as she would call herself. (Did we take away even the piece of language that reminds her who she is - or have we just lost the right to speak such a proud and honorable word with our own lips.)

My visit with her was life changing. She was genuine, honest, open. She taught me a tremendous amount about forgiveness, grace and understanding. She forced open the eyes of my heart to see the reality of the world around me simply by sharing her story with me. And I will never be the same. It was one of those moments in my life that God just said, “sit up and listen Lorena, there is something here you need to learn.” And so I listened, and I learned, and my heart broke for her and her people.

I won’t tell her story here. It’s her’s to tell and I could never do it justice. But yesterday, I finally understood the magnitude of the evil carried out on the aboriginal people in Canada by the “church” and “government.” I was fully confronted with the truth about the plight of my friend and her people that began with the “Gradual Civilization Act” in 1857 and lasted for about 100 years. Nothing short of complete cultural genocide and ethnocide, carried out through abuse of generations of children. And it finally sunk into my thick heart . . . this didn’t happen to just some of the aboriginal children. . . it was all of them. None were left untouched by our cruelty. And above all the injustices carried out on them, possibly the most horrible is the shame they were made to feel about who they are.

My friend treated me with kindness and love because that is who she is. Yet after she was gone I couldn’t help but feel ashamed. Ashamed of who I was. A descendant of a cruel, merciless people whose greed destroyed an entire people group.

If you are reading this and thinking, “yes but I wasn’t there, that was my ancestors, I am not responsible.” Think again. My friend was never forced into a residential school. She was born after they were closed. And neither did her children. But the reality is that everything that happened to her parents and grandparents in those schools has completely shaped the reality of the life she knows and has shaped her understanding of what it means to parent her own children. She has had to fight and struggle against their past every step of the way. Her parents would not have lived in poverty if their way of life had not been taken away. They would not have learned to inflict violence on their children if they had not learned it through the residential system. They would not hide behind a haze of alcohol if they didn’t have memories of horrific abuse inflicted on them to drown out. They would not have taught her to be ashamed of who she is if we had not taught them first. What happened to her ancestors has clearly shaped everything in her reality, she has suffered greatly because of it. Just the same shouldn’t we suffer the consequences of what our ancestors have done?

And I haven’t even begun to process the ramifications of the church’s involvement in these atrocities. As a true follower of Christ I can only hang my head in sorrow at the way the name of my Savior has been slandered and abused. Just because you call yourself the “church” doesn’t mean Christ is present. Jesus must grieve deeply over all of this.

I don’t have any answers. For the time being I am only left with a feeling of shame and sadness. And a deep pride in my friend because despite everything, she has risen above it all. She simply exudes forgiveness, dignity and an amazing ability to overcome.

As for me . . . shame on me for taking this long to take an honest look at all of the truth.

Fruit of the Spirit

2009-09-29T08:28:00.000-07:00

So I am at church on Sunday, we are right in the middle of playing a song, worshipping, singing, I am in my happy place . . . “in You we’re living, in You we’re moving. . . ,” and then all of a sudden the image of an apple tree pops into my head, and I see a hand reaching out, picking one of the apples off the tree and handing it to me. And scriptures run across my mind, seemingly random at first, but definitely tied together when I begin to process what God wants to tell me.

“. . . I am the vine . . . apart from me you can do nothing . . . This is to my Father’s glory that you bear much fruit.” (John 15)

“. . . the Spirit will take from what is mine and make it known to you.” (John 16)

“. . . the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control . . . those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature” (Galatians 5)

And I am filled with the wonderful sense that I don’t need anything in myself. I don’t need to work hard to learn patience, kindness, love, humbleness, etc. I don’t need to wait a long period of time until I “grow” any of the qualities that will make me Christ-like. They are all at my disposal right now. If I belong to Christ, then I have everything I need in Him. All I have to do is throw myself away. Crucify the rotten apple of my sinful nature through union with my Savior, whose death for me has made that possible. And accept the apples of redemption and new life through union with my Lord who has risen again to victory. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me!

Here is the incomparably great power for all who believe that we hear about in Ephesians, the working of his mighty strength, the riches of his glorious inheritance, and every spiritual blessing we have in Christ! When we are united with Christ, every single glorious fruit of His nature is ours for the taking through the promised Holy Spirit, our deposit guaranteeing our inheritance. Praise God!

And as it turned out this “vision” came to me at exactly the right time (really how else does God work, but at exactly at the right time).

That very afternoon I encountered a heart-wrenchingly difficult situation which quickly filled me with fear and anger. But the Holy Spirit quickly reminded me of the day’s lesson . . . Lorena are you feeling afraid, angry? . . . throw it away and eat of the fruit of the peace of Christ. “. . . my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives, Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.”

And there I found rest, joy, peace and a deep sense of awe at the power of God that is at my disposal through Christ Jesus.

Love without truth is no love at all

2009-09-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

God is opening my spiritual eyes a little wider every day. I have to admit sometimes the things I see in the spirit realm aren’t exactly pleasant, and there are times I question why God allows me to see them at all. I mean, who am I, really? Nothing special in any respect. But I have one thing going for me -- I love Christ. Really love Him. With a “can’t live without you by my side every second of every day” kind of love. And as the title to one of my favorite Tozer books indicates . . . “God tells the Man, (or woman in my case) who cares.” One of the great mysteries of God is that He chooses to share His heart with those who love Him.

This week He is sharing the most incredible truth with me. God has opened my eyes wide to some pretty harsh realities about certain so-called "christian" churches. Realities that would frighten me if I didn’t fully believe that God is in control. That He is already victorious. That the battle is fought and won in Christ and that all of creation is under His feet and will bow to Him as Lord of lords when God’s appointed time comes.

I have learned over the years that Satan is active in the christian community. That he is very busy causing disunity among the Body of Christ by making it difficult for the Christian churches to unite in the cause of Christ. This I knew already and the problem has burdened my heart for quite some time. I long to see real love and unity. And I see God beginning to move in our midst, bringing us together, bringing healing and love to servants who have become weary from trying to “do it on their own.” I am very encouraged.

But this week I have learned something new. That the enemy has planted counterfeit churches in our midst. Lead by people who present themselves as christians, but reject Christ. Churches that present a “liberal” theology and stand for “social justice” instead of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Churches that masquerade as places of life, light and healing, but can only lead people to eternal damnation and darkness by keeping them away from the real Truth.

Quite openly and boldly, Satan is masquerading as an angel of light, and the champion of social justice. Taking bits of God’s truth and twisting it into a lie designed to keep people away from real Truth. Offering people “love, acceptance and inclusiveness” when all he really has to give is disappointment and separation from God. He is incapable of love, especially toward mankind. To him we are simply pawns in his game, tools he uses in his fight against the real Lord of Light - Jesus Christ.

The enemy's strategy is especially offensive to me in all of this. He knows that, while he is not capable of love, mankind is. Made in the image of God the ability to love is implanted in us at creation - even though sin has warped and made human attempts at love ugly, flawed and often useless. And yet Satan uses our deviant love and our need to be loved to lure people into his trap. “. . . social justice . . . we will love and accept you the way you are . . . You don’t have to change . . . you don’t have to give up your sin . . . you don’t need Christ . . . you have us . . .” This is the message of the church of social justice, this is the scheme of the enemy, and I am sure he is using the same tactic all over the western world if not worldwide.

There is only one way to find real love -- Jesus Christ. Real love is not found in accepting each other the way we are without Christ . . . sinful, fallen, damned. Real love seeks to give you something infinitely better . . . redemption, salvation, membership into the Kingdom of God as adopted sons . . . perfect, holy and blameless in His sight.

. . . for all have sinned . . . and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus (Rom 3:23)

. . . God demonstrated His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners Christ died for us (Rom 5:8)

. . . the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is etenal life in Christ Jesus (Rom 6:23)

. . . there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:1)

. . . who shall separate us from the love of Christ (Rom 8: 35)

Be alert, enemies of God, your time here is short. Real love, real power and real justice are moving. Jesus Christ is victorious and He is coming to claim what is rightfully His. The Kingdom of God is at hand.

Fear vs Faith

2009-04-13T19:18:00.000-07:00

I have been plagued by fear lately. Fear that I believe has been the result of direct spiritual attack. Fear that comes over me sometimes quite suddenly to work hard to prevent me from doing exactly the thing that I know God wants me to do. Fear that has a way of making me completely ineffective in my ministry. A deceiving voice that whispers in my ear and says, “You are nothing. You have no right to lead these people. You will fail. They don’t want you here.” When I am away from it, I know these are lies sent to me directly by the one who wants to paralyze me and make me completely useless to the cause of Christ. . . . . . . . . .This is the Fear factor.

But I have many weapons that I can fight with. And it is time for me to stand up and do just that. The Word of God tells me how I am to fight. . . “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obey Christ.” (2 Cor 10:4,5)

And I have discovered a tremendous strength that is behind me. My friends and fellow ministry workers who immediately rose up to support me and lift me back up the second they realized I was going down. I am very aware that God has surrounded me with an incredible group of people who both love me and are ready to fight for my ministry because they believe in what we are doing together. With the recent flooding in our town I realize that the illustration that best fits us right now is that of a dike built around a house to protect it from a flood of spiritual attack. You see a dike is only as strong as it’s weakest point. Right now I am that weakest point. And my friends became like sandbags and threw themselves against me to strengthen and build up that weak point in the wall. Amazing people. I will never forget their support and I am sure they don’t realize how much it meant to me.

But it all boils down to one thing. Do I really believe? Do I really believe Christ died for my sins? Do I really believe He has made me new? Do I really believe there is power in His resurrection? Do I really believe in His strength? Do I really believe that He is all that the Bible tells me He is? That He has done all that the Bible tells me He has? That He has already won the victory for us all? . . . . . . . . .This is the Faith factor.

Ephesians 6:16 . . . “In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”

All the flaming arrows. There is nothing to fear as long as I believe.

Ask Me

2009-03-31T14:17:00.000-07:00

Ask me
and I will go wherever you say,
leave behind whatever you wish.

But tell it to me LOUD.

I need to be sure the voice I hear is Yours.

Because there is one voice that sings to me in the morning,
urging me to go many places at once,
until I am dizzy from running in circles.

And there is another voice that calls me at night,
telling me . . . "stay still, don't move,
you can't fly and never will."

So SHOUT to me now, louder than these.

Drown their emptiness
in the fullness of Your call,
and take me to heights far above.

(Lorena Ferguson, 2005)

Learning to Wait All Over Again

2009-03-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

I don’t have time to sit here writing this blog entry. There are a billion and one things and people who need me to be doing something else at this very moment; but as I sat on the kitchen floor surrounded by grocery bags, tears streaming down my face, I realized that I need a moment to process some thoughts. Life can seem a little overwhelming and I am easily overwhelmed.

I know what the problem is. In the last 6 weeks or so I have forgotten how to wait for God. I am impatient to get things to a point in my life and ministry where they should be (or where I think they should be) and so I have slipped across the line and begun trying to do things on my own -- you know, since God isn’t getting around to doing things quickly enough for me. Silly and sad move. Now that I think about it I am quite sure my husband saw me stepping over the line and distinctly said to me, “I think you are trying to do things on your own instead of waiting for God.” To which I quickly retorted, “I know what I am doing.” Sorry Bob. You were right and I should learn to listen to your wisdom.

Now I will have to take a few steps back and set things back where they were -- several difficult steps actually. And then begin to wait again. And trust that in the waiting God will be more than enough to sustain me.

After I was done blubbering and feeling sorry for myself on the kitchen floor, I got up and went to my Bible to find encouragement and wisdom -- my God never fails to meet me there. Here are the words He gave me.

Isaiah 30:15,18
This is what the Sovereign Lord, The Holy One says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
In quietness and trust is your strength,
But you would have none of it. . . .
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for Him!”

The Shape of Motion

2009-02-24T16:07:00.000-08:00

I just spent a couple of action packed days in constant motion with my daughter. Just the two of us. At some point, after becoming water-logged, wrinkled and shivery from too much time in the pool, I sat back and just watched her swim. That’s when I fell into a bout of deep and contemplative thinking.

I thought about the strange way I need things in my life to change, move, shift, grow and develop into something new. When life remains very still and stagnant for any period of time I become uncomfortable and restless. If the world around me stays in one place for too long I inevitably will become bored and feel unfulfilled. This need encompasses not only the external things in my life but reaches far into my heart -- this constant change and movement must happen inside of me or I will find myself in the same boat -- restless, jittery and unable to remain still. Somehow at the very core of my being I know that I am not done, not finished, not ready to stop the motion until I arrive at the destination. And neither is the world. And that motion is designed to keep us all spinning in the right direction - toward God and nearer to everything He intends us to become.

And I realized that in the midst of this need for movement, I have another need. One that seems to oppose the first, to contradict everything else I have just said. Yet in reality these needs work together to accomplish the same goal. Here I feel the need for constancy. For an unchanging, steady place in life that never moves. An anchor to hold me down and keep me from drifting off. A strong force that holds me still while the winds of change swirl around me.

As I contemplated all of this I realized that it was all just a natural expression of who I am as a child of God. These needs are simply part of the very shape of my existence as a created being - created to be in eternal union with my Creator. The shape of my need is an imprint of the Shape of God. Because only He can fill that need. I am created to fit into the shape of Who God is (and created so that He can fit into me.)

And it is so amazing to rest on the fact that His shape is constant. A pivotal, steady, never-changing rock around which all of my life and this world orbits. Who God is never changes He is always exactly the same.

Yet what He does in the world and in me, the expression of all that He is creating us to become is a whirlwind of motion and excitement. He is always moving. Always in motion. Always working to change His children and His creation into the perfection that He intended it to be. His power, love, goodness, mercy and grace are never still, never stagnant and never ending.

How complex,
how complete,
how beautiful,
how amazing,
how steady, faithful and unchanging
is this God,
this Creator,
this Pivotal Force that holds me still,
that moves me
that comforts me
And transforms me into everything that I was meant to be.

God is Great.

Thinking and Shrinking

2009-02-19T12:02:00.000-08:00

I am prone to thinking too much. Sometimes that thinking takes on a negative and introspective quality that just isn’t healthy. Yesterday, for no apparent reason, I started to become convinced that I was a burden and an annoyance. To who? Well generally everyone and anyone. And so I began to feel myself longing to withdraw, hide, become as small and unnoticed as I could.

As I allowed myself to brood, I became sure that the world would be better off without me hanging around. So I thought about how best to shrink myself and take up as little space in the world as possible - thereby not getting in the way of anyone else’s quality of living. I started by removing myself from facebook. I figured, “what the heck, hardly anyone will notice and those that do will likely be relieved they don’t have to put up with me anymore.” So I simply deactivated my account. Erased myself from the virtual world and thought, “if only it were that easy in real life.”

Still obsessing that I was little more than an irritation in the world, I began to think about the people that I had been around in the last few days and how annoyed they had seemed around me. Surely I had stepped too far into their lives, overstayed my welcome in their worlds and I was all too ready to believe that they had been giving me the cold shoulder. But had they?

Suddenly recognizing a pattern in myself, and realizing that I had been in this mental space far too often over the years, I decided to try something new. I asked a couple of them. They were perplexed. It seems my imagination can run wild. Really I can be a complete nut-job sometimes. But it is all ok because this all made me think really hard about what the problem was.

What is the problem? Simple. My focus is in the wrong place -- on me.

What can I do about that? Even easier. Put my focus where it belongs -- on Christ.

So that is what I have been endeavoring to do today. Mostly with fairly decent results. I think I am going to be ok.

“. . . let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith.” (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Roots

2009-02-07T04:40:00.000-08:00

My husband and I are seriously contemplating building a house. An unusual dwelling which will not be in any way bigger or better than our neighbors, but will probably stand out in shape and oddness in the midst of the sameness of other nearby dwellings. We can’t imagine doing it any other way - our house will be a symbol to us of how we live our lives in the midst of a sea of conformity. Forever the round pegs in a world of square holes. A reminder that it is possible to live outside the box, to choose a different path than the world presents us with - a stronger, surer, path - one which will stand the test of time and the ravaging storms that are sure to blow through our lives.

This is an exciting time for us. But it leaves us with a sudden choice which will be long-reaching in our lives. Where do we put down roots? Over the years we have remained absolutely undecided on this issue. Will we settle here, in this community that I have lived in all my life, in this place so filled with painful memories and reminders of every hurt that I have ever known? This is a hard town, so much disfunction, so much oppression, so much hopelessness. Yet so much potential for change and growth and so much need for workers willing to dig up the dry weary soil and plant the seeds of Christ.

Ultimately we want the choice to be God’s choice. We want to know His will for our lives and be sure that we are spending the next phase of our earthly existence doing what He wants us to do. Being who He wants us to be. And reaching whoever He wants us to reach.

Last night we had a rare evening alone together. In the sudden stillness and quiet of our usually busy lives we worked together, played together, and then had a beautiful opportunity to talk and pray together. So we put the ball in God’s court and excitedly will listen to hear what He has to say.

We believe we are leaning towards staying. Six months ago I think we would have said that we were ready to make a run for it. But God will speak and we will obey. We have tried to leave before and heard the clear and compelling voice of our Lord asking us to stay. So we stayed. What will He say now? My heart suspects it will be the same call.

But whatever it is we know that we can be at peace knowing that we are firmly planted in the will on the Almighty God who knows all things, and works all things for the good of those who love Him.

Jeremiah 17:7-8
"blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

The Rainy Day

2009-01-28T20:07:00.000-08:00

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;

It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary;

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

- H.W. Longfellow

Wake up, O sleepers, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.

2009-01-21T20:14:00.000-08:00

I read an article in the paper today which absolutely made my blood boil. It was just a perfect example of how fallen our world is and how the enemy has taken what God meant to be good and beautiful and twisted it around to be so ugly and sad, and somehow has deceived us all.

The story was about Paula Goodspeed, an American Idol hopeful who was found dead outside Paula Abdul’s home recently. Reportedly she committed suicide. This beautiful young woman, the handiwork of God, became so confused, deceived and downtrodden by life and all the ugliness on earth that she actually took her own life.

I was immediately outraged by what every one of us had contributed to her downfall. By supporting the ideas of “stardom” and “fame.” By turning on the TV each week and watching creations of God use their God-given gifts of creativity and song in an attempt to “idolize” self instead of glorify God. By buying into the deception that with fame and success comes happiness and love. And by watching as those deemed “not good enough” for man are beat down and trampled on. How God must weep when he sees how far we have fallen. We should all be ashamed.

As an artist and musician committed to God I am especially outraged by this fiasco. I have recently read a book written by Michael Card called “Scribbling in the Sand - Christ and Creativity”. An illustration that he makes in the book really sticks out to me in this whole thing. We were born to sing, to make music, to create, each of us in a different way. But the purpose is always meant to be responding and reflecting the beauty of Christ. When we lose sight of this things go horribly wrong.

Take the difference in the stories of Noah’s Ark and the Tower of Babel. Noah creates an ark to glorify God, to obey God’s will in his life. Despite tremendous ridicule and rejection his only aim is to respond to God. God is pleased with Noah. But in the story of the Tower of Babel, the people are seeking to make a name for themselves. They create something to glorify themselves instead of God. They seek to rob God of praise and they in no way attempt to respond to or reflect God’s beauty. The results are catastrophic.

Are we all just asleep? Hypnotized by a culture of entertainment and excess? I am appalled and saddened, what else can I say. If we call ourselves Christians -- followers of Christ -- it is time to wake up and shake off the deception. Time to stand up for what is right in the eyes of the Lord.

Ephesians 5:8-16
“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:   "Wake up, O sleeper,   rise from the dead,   and Christ will shine on you."
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”

The "Worship Leader"

2009-01-05T10:44:00.000-08:00

I don’t believe in the concept of the “worship leader” as has been the accepted concept in most churches over the last several years. This is the concept where one person stands at the front and leads the congregation in worship -- while a band and back up singers fill in his/her sound. I don’t feel this to be a very Biblical model for worship leading.

Rather, I believe that every single person on the “worship team” is a piece of a puzzle which makes up the worship leader. By very nature of the fact that you are in some way contributing to the music and/or message that is leading people to worship God, you become a part of that puzzle. And, ultimately, you are simply a servant of the One who really leads the congregation in worship - that One is Jesus Christ Himself.

The worship team should function as a sort of mini Body of Christ if you will. Just like the illustration we are given in 1 Corinthians 12. Every single person on the team works together to lead the congregation in worship. Therefore, every person will need to assume their God-given role in the team in order to form a body which will function well and be able to draw the people into worship with their God. Should the foot try to speak, the congregation will hear nothing but nonsense and they will not be brought any closer to understanding who God is. Should the head try to clap the congregation will not be led in celebration of what God has done for them.

Therefore, in order for a body to function well each part of the body must examine itself truthfully to discover what it was meant to do. What are it’s strengths and weaknesses? What is it’s purpose in the body?

When it is time to walk, the foot steps forward and says, “ok this part is my job, I will do it.” All other parts of the body step aside and allow the foot to do it’s work. When it is time to speak the tongue comes forward and says, “ok my turn I will do my job.” And all of the body allows it room to work.

The concept is no different for the worship team that forms the worship body that will stand before the congregation to lead them in worship. Each of us must truthfully examine our function on that particular day with that particular body of parts. What is our purpose today? Whatever it is -- it is worth doing. But there is an even greater worth in having the chance to stand back and allow your fellow body parts room to do the job that God has asked them to do that day.

The team leader's job is partly to help each person to understand what part of the body they are in worship - and help to encourage them to fill that role.

Just something for us to think about and work toward. Thanks for listening.

Dream Worship

2008-12-31T08:24:00.000-08:00

I had the most amazing dream last night.

I am at a train station waiting for my daughter to arrive. I don’t know where she is coming from or how long she has been gone, but I am very excited to see her again. But as the train arrives there is a horrific crash. The train piles up and becomes a twisted wreck of metal and fire. I am of course beside myself with fear thinking my daughter has surely been killed. Then, she comes out of the train and she is fine and I know that God has spared her life.

Suddenly it happens all over again. Me waiting. The train coming. The accident. The fear. Then out comes my daughter from the train. A little scratched up and bleeding but she is ok. God has spared her life.

The entire scene repeats a third time. This time she is hurt quite a bit worse, but still in one piece and alive. And this time I am aware that everyone else on the train has died. For some reason God has spared the life of my daughter.

Then we go up a hill in the snow and there is a little wooden building. And I go inside and fall on the floor on my knees and put my face to the ground. And I worship God in my dream. From somewhere deep inside my soul I worship Him with everything I am. Because I know that He is all powerful. That He is in control of all things. That I owe everything I am and everything I have to Him and His care over my life. That He loves me and those I love and that He never fails to be where we need Him to be, when we need Him.

And I woke up at that moment. And laughed out loud at the thought that I worship God more fully and reverently in my sleep than I do in my waking moments. Something I definitely need to remedy. And I felt great joy to know that God lives in my dreams exactly as He lives in my waking moments. God is God. He never changes and His character is always exactly the same.

All praise and glory to the One who loves me with an everlasting love!

Sleep Paralysis

2008-12-29T12:48:00.000-08:00

On and off throughout my life I have experienced an annoying sleep problem - sleep paralysis. Apparently this happens to most people at least once in their lives, but for me it is frequent. Probably happens at least once a week and lately more. It really bugs me. It seems that during sleep when the body is in the REM stage, the deepest part of sleep, the body and brain are largely disconnected leaving the body paralyzed. This is normal. Sleep paralysis occurs when the disconnect between body and brain continues past the point when it should. So your brain has become active and aware prematurely, but is not sending the proper messages to the body to be able to move it.
For me what happens is that I suddenly become aware that I am asleep and that I am dreaming. It is like I have 2 minds - the one that is dreaming and the one that is analyzing the fact that I am dreaming. Almost always there is a feeling of fear and dread. There is usually one other person in my dream and I am usually afraid of that person. I have no idea what that is about. The last 2 nights it has been the same woman. She looks friendly, neat, almost grandmotherly. She moves towards me and I freak out and become terrified by her. (????? I don’t know). I move in my dream and can move away from the person, but I am completely aware at the same time that my real body is paralyzed. I want to sit up, shake it off, wake up, but I simply can’t.

I know I am asleep and I desperately want to wake up. So I scream as loud as I can to my husband so that he will hear me and shake me. Immediately if he touches me, or talks to me, I will wake up every time - instantly. So in my dream I am screaming - but Bob says I am usually making just the faintest tiny little sound in real life. When he hears me he reaches over gives me a little shake and then goes back to sleep.

This morning I slept kind of late so Bob had already left for work. And as I struggled through my sleep paralysis to call to him I had no idea that he wasn’t there. And the whole experience lasted forever, or at least it seemed that way to me. Eventually, slowly and gradually I woke up. But hours later I still feel emotionally drained by the whole thing.

Has anyone else experienced something like this?

The plague full swift goes by

2008-12-19T09:05:00.000-08:00

My poor little daughter seems to have very suddenly come down with a rather swift and nasty flu. She is really suffering. Hopefully God will see fit to let it pass quickly. I am not concerned, these things happen and He always takes care of us. However, whenever they do this poem pops into my head. I love this poem. I can't explain why. I just do. It is beautiful in some strange way. So here it is for you to read and think about -- and probably spend a second wondering why I can be so dark and morbid sometimes.

A Litany in Time of Plague
by Thomas Nashe 1592

Adieu, farewell, earth's bliss;
This world uncertain is;
Fond are life's lustful joys;
Death proves them all but toys;
None from his darts can fly;
I am sick, I must die.
Lord, have mercy on us!

Rich men, trust not in wealth,
Gold cannot buy you health;
Physic himself must fade.
All things to end are made,
The plague full swift goes by;
I am sick, I must die.
Lord, have mercy on us!

Beauty is but a flower
Which wrinkles will devour;
Brightness falls from the air;
Queens have died young and fair;
Dust hath closed Helen's eye.
I am sick, I must die.
Lord, have mercy on us!

Strength stoops unto the grave,
Worms feed on Hector brave;
Swords may not fight with fate,
Earth still holds open her gate.
"Come, come!" the bells do cry.
I am sick, I must die.
Lord, have mercy on us!

Wit with his wantonness
Tasteth death's bitterness;
Hell's executioner
Hath no ears for to hear
What vain art can reply.
I am sick, I must die.
Lord, have mercy on us!

Haste, therefore, each degree,
To welcome destiny;
Heaven is our heritage,
Earth but a player's stage;
Mount we unto the sky.
I am sick, I must die.
Lord, have mercy on us!

Better Than Fair

2008-12-13T04:15:00.001-08:00

Here is a Lorena Ferguson theory on life and faith: Life is not fair.

Life is not fair, never was fair and never will be fair. And I am becoming increasingly convinced that it is not supposed to be fair. God's ideal plan for us is not "fair" as we understand fairness to be - because God has something better than fair planned for us.

Every human being wrestles with this concept right from childhood. Any parent who has heard their child speak can attest to that. "Sally took my toy - not fair!" "Johnny has a bigger cookie than me - not fair." and so on and so on.

As adults, many of us carry this concept with us well into adulthood. In fact the other night I was at my daughter's band concert and I found myself with a complaining spirit as I demanded "fairness" from the world. It was simple, there weren't enough chairs for all of the parents. So as many of the parents sat comfortably toward the front happily watching their children perform, I was standing at the back barely able to see for the entire concert - not fair! And then to top it off my sister won two gift baskets in the draw. Two of them! And I didn't win anything. That didn't seem fair.

So many times my life has proved unfair to me. You know I was once chased down the beach by a seagull. Even though I hadn't done anything to the bird to deserve such treatment. I really felt picked on that day. That wasn't fair, right?

And on a more serious note . . .
My aunt has lung cancer, even though she never smoked a day in her life. How is that fair?
And I met a little girl last week who lost her mother. That can never be fair.

When we hear these things we cry, "not fair!" and we want God to step in and set things right. That doesn't always happen. Let me suggest to you that this is because God has something better than fair planned for us. Even though that may be hard for us to see and understand. He is the Creator and Sustainer of all things and His design does not necessarily look "fair" in human eyes. It may be beyond our understanding.

If you have watched the documentary "March of the Penguins" you will have watched a baffling and seemingly unfair design of creation. Here is a creature with no legs. He simply has feet stuck to his bottom making him waddle around like a cartoon on land. Yet he is expected to "march" many miles every year to the penguin breeding ground. Where he is expected to huddle in inhumanely freezing temperatures desperately trying to keep himself and his egg alive. Where is the fairness in that? But does the penguin say, "forget this!, I am heading to warmer climates where I will live in comfort like other animals." No. He simply does what he was designed to do even though it doesn't make any sense.

I don't know why God has asked the penguin to endure such hardship.
Or why my aunt has to struggle with cancer.
Or why a little girl will have to live her entire life on earth without her mother.

But I do know this: God has something better than fair planned for us all.

The Bible tells us that God works for the good of those that love Him, who He has called according to His purpose. I believe that will all my heart.

And He knows what it means to be treated unfairly by life on this earth. Jesus came down here and willing died in our place. That wasn't fair by any stretch of the imagination. He didn't deserve to be treated that way - we did. But He didn't come looking for fair, He had something better in mind - Salvation. Jesus never for a moment demanded fairness from life. Rather, He humbled Himself before God and before man to be the servant of all. Humility does not consider it's own rights or demand to be treated fairly.

Listen to Paul's incredible words in Philippians 2.

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death -- even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

That is definitely something better than fair.

Feelings?

2008-12-10T16:16:00.000-08:00

I really believe that what Jesse said in his blog post “That Nagging Feeling” is so important for every one of us to hear. You should all read it. (find Jesse's blog under My Friends to the left)

And so, after reading it, I was thinking about worship and about our relationship with God in general -- and about feelings. And that got me to thinking about our relationships with those around us, especially those we love. The way we are in these relationships can often be a good indicator of the way we are in our relationship with God.

Our society puts so much importance on what we are “feeling.” But feelings come and go. They grow and shrink, ebb and flow, surge and sputter out - a virtual roller coaster ride of emotions continuously up and down, up and down, up and down. Sometimes we can trust our emotions, but I think we all have to admit that at times emotions can be out of control, over the top and even downright on the wrong track. What we are “feeling” quite simply is not reliable.

Anyone who has managed to stay in a marriage for even a few short years can tell you this. We don’t always “feel” like we love our spouse, and we definitely will not always “feel” like they love us. Sometimes we feel tired, bored, uninterested and will ask ourselves, “what the heck were we thinking?” We all go through this -- anyone who tells you differently is either a liar or has their head stuck in the sand. Marriage can feel good, happy and fulfilling -- sometimes. At other times it just feels lonely, difficult and empty. But do we just give up and throw in the towel? Not if we have learned anything about life and the human condition. Because we have learned that all things change eventually (especially our emotions) and that life is not calculated according to feelings. The goal in marriage and in life is not to end up with a greater amount of happy times than sad ones. It has nothing to do with how we feel at all. It is summed up in what we learn in living our lives. Have we learned to give love and to “stick with it” no matter what our deceiving emotions would tell us to do?

I believe our relationships on earth are a practice run for learning how to live in everlasting relationship with a real God. So we should be learning to trust Him no matter what we “feel.” To believe Him no matter what we “feel.” And to give love back to Him, no matter what we “feel.” At times He will seem so close we can almost hear Him breathe. But there will be other times when He seems far away and it takes every ounce of our energy to keep believing that He is still interested in us.

The choice is ours. Do we trust our feelings? Or do we trust Christ and all the truth and promise He has given us in His word.

(“. . . never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Heb 13:5)

If you want to learn to love Christ, go back to the one you stopped loving, just because you stopped “feeling” and try again. It’s not too late. Your feelings are less important than you think. God has something more beautiful planned for you.

Defining Lorena

2008-12-01T08:01:00.000-08:00

All of my life I have had a vague feeling of “not fitting in.” No matter where I have been in my life, what age, or what group of people have been in the scope of my existence, I have never really felt like I “belonged.” Forever the round peg trying to fit into the square hole. I have lived under the assumption that this is a negative force in my life, something about me that is not quite right. We are surrounded by so much pressure to conform, to fit into the mold.

Then yesterday I woke up and it was all suddenly clear to me. There is nothing wrong with me. I simply don’t like to be defined--never have. I really don’t want to fit in. Because fitting in will ultimately mean being labeled and I am complex and constantly changing. There is no label that could possibly fit. I really don’t think there is anything special about me either, I believe this is all true for every one of us, although most people have probably never thought it through. They say every snow flake is different, a complex work of art, no two are alike. Every human being is different too--only more so. Every person is complex, a work of art, no two have ever been alike. God is a masterful Creator, He has made every one of us unique. There is no previously made label that will fit any one of us, because we are the first of our kind.

Yet humans have such a tendency to define themselves and each other. What the heck is up with that? I am expected to act a certain way, to enjoy certain activities, hang out with a certain group of people, choose certain friends, all according to my age, marital status, gender, etc, etc. Arrrrggggh is all I can think to say to that.

People stop trying to put me in the box, I don’t fit. And neither do you. And the box doesn’t have enough air, I can’t breathe in there.

Come Lord Jesus

2008-11-29T05:36:00.000-08:00

Advent starts tomorrow.

This could possibly be my favorite time of year, although it goes largely unnoticed by most. Such a beautiful spirit in the air of longing, of hope, of waiting, of expectation. Such a beautiful reminder to prepare our hearts, make ourselves ready for the coming of our King. For the arrival of our Lord, our Savior, our Love, our Life.

Christmas can be such a time of stress and busyness for so many of us. No matter how much we try to keep the season focused on the birth of our Savior, we are crowded out with commercialism and the glitter of all that doesn’t really matter to our hearts. I can’t help but wonder if this is because we have not taken the time to reflect on what Advent is all about. To make straight the paths in our hearts, and make room for Jesus. Are we like that little Inn in Bethlehem? When He comes will He find a place in us that is ready, warm and full of hope? Or will the busyness of Christmas leave us with no vacancy, no space for the Light of the World to shine.

Isaiah 40:

A voice of one calling:  "In the desert prepare  the way for the LORD;
 make straight in the wilderness  a highway for our God.
Every valley shall be raised up,  every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,  the rugged places a plain.
And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,  
and all mankind together will see it.  
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken." (Isaiah 40:3-5)

Amen. Come Lord Jesus (Rev 22:20)

Dream Sequence

2008-11-16T13:27:00.000-08:00

They say that our dreams are often our subconscious mind attempting to work out our problems while we sleep. If this is true, then I think I am having a problem with pride. (Well I know I am actually, it's been ongoing since I was born.)

Last night I had a pounding headache (still there) and so I went to bed early before the rest of my family. I had only been asleep for about an hour, when I had a really disturbing dream. There was a hole in the ground and someone (no idea who that was) was trying to push me in the hole - trying to make me disappear, erase my existance and make it so I never was. And I was mostly in the hole, but fighting for my life and I started to yell, "YOU WILL NOT" over and over.

And that is where my husband came in and found me sitting up in bed with my eyes wide open and yelling out YOU WILL NOT - even though I was in a dead sleep. He said it was the creepiest thing he had seen in a long time.

And today I have been thinking about this, and realizing that I have a great fear of going through life unnoticed or being forgotten. Oh I am sure I could come up with some fascinating theories of why that is, past experiences that any therapist would love to hear. But the real point for me is pride and the loss of humility. Because I think that the real definition of humility has a lot to do with being secure and comfortable in God - so much so that it doesn't matter if we go unnoticed or are erased from human memory. True humility requires us to only care if God remembers us and to be content in all that He thinks of us. Nothing else matters.

Just like Jesus who was willing to make Himself nothing (Phillipians 2:5). Or as Andrew Murray put it "it is the sense of entire nothingness when we see how truly God is everything."

Apparently I am still wrestling with pride. How tired I get of that! But I am eagerly awaiting the day when God throws my pride aside and helps me to rest in the knowledge of all that He is, without having to think anything about myself!

A Poppy

2008-11-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

by Jorja Ferguson

A poppy is more than just a flower,

Although a beautiful one it is,

A poppy is more than a simple symbol,

That not every soldier lived.

A poppy's for freedom,

Though sometimes we wonder,

Why it is that they had to fight,

Because God gave us freedom

to choose what we want,

And I'm sure they wanted their lives.

A poppy is greater than any war,

Because it was already fought,

A poppy is love and love is great,

Because love can never be bought.

A poppy's a reminder of the war,

And now that Canada's free

We thank the soldiers,

with the wonderful poppy.

Small Things

2008-11-10T07:54:00.000-08:00

Life trudges along, just one ordinary day after another. You are asleep. Just going through the motions, trying not to be too aware of the real life underneath where you spirit lives, because you know the feelings could overwhelm you. Then suddenly something happens. It may even be an ordinary event, yet suddenly your spirit is awake. And the Spirit of God is moving in your heart, teaching you, speaking to you, helping you to see things in another way.

Perhaps you are on your way to buy groceries. Routine - you do this all the time. You park the car and take a moment to listen to the last part of a song playing on the radio. You turn your head and look out the window and see a woman lying on her back in the middle of the parking lot. You have no idea how long she has been there. You get out of the car and run over to see if she is alright. As you approach you notice that chocolate milk is spilt all around her and a ham and cheese sandwhich is ground into the ice at her side. Your foot hits the ice and you nearly go down on top of her. You ask her if she is ok, but she can barely speak to you. A police officer is in the area and comes over to help. She is obviously hurt pretty badly so he radios for an ambulance. As you wait with her, she manages to tell you that she has taken a break from her job and is running home to give her kids their lunch and take them to school. She is distraught because they are home alone waiting for her. You want to help, but the police man, realizing you are a stranger, assures you he will take care of it.

Then somehow, your spirit connects with hers and you know in the depths of your heart that her fall is the least of her worries, it is just the last straw in a long struggle to live her life as best as she knows how. You feel how weary she is from fighting day after day to keep her and her family going. You feel how much she loves those kids and how disappointed she is in how her life has turned out. And you feel how desperately she needs God. You want so badly to fix everything for her and tell her about Jesus, but the police officer sends you away. Presumably on an errand to alert the store manager of the ice in the parking lot, but you are pretty sure he just wants you to leave at this point. So you remain unable to offer her anything. And you think about the enormity of life’s problems and how you are helpless to even help this one single soul. You finish your errands, heart heavy, feeling as if the plight of mankind is hopeless and there is nothing good left in the world.

This all happened to me today, at about 9:00 am. Then I went home and checked my e-mail. Someone, a complete stranger, completely out of the blue, left a comment on a old blog post that I wrote last year in March/07. (THANKS ZINNIA!)
http://lorenalyn.blogspot.com/2007/03/act-of-coffee-kindness.html

And when I read it I felt God smile and say. Small things Lorena. You are not helpless. You can do small things for these people. And I, God Almighty, will use those small things to work mighty wonders in their hearts. And suddenly, everything seems ok again.

Will you do a small thing and join me in praying for the lady in the parking lot today?

power on earth?

2008-11-04T07:37:00.000-08:00

I had a deep and interesting conversation with another believer recently and it has been on my mind ever since. He said some things that didnt’ quite line up with my own beliefs about God and faith and I have to admit that I very quckly began to waver and wonder if I had been wrong all this time. Clear proof of my own powerlessness and my constant need to remain in Christ where all power and truth resides without fail.

Basically, the discussion centered around current events on planet earth and our “worldly” (financial?) security for the future and our responsibility to be “prepared” for what was to come. My friend has taken the view that God has given us authority here on earth to care for ourselves, or as he put it we have “power” as humans to shape the outcome of our future. I believe there is some truth to this as choices we make will shape our future. However, this view results in his working hard to make sure his family is well prepared and well cared for in the future. A very time-consuming effort which, for me, would leave me very little time for ministry opportunity.

I view my life differently. While I believe I have responsibility to be a good steward of God’s gifts to me (something which I really need to do better at), I am of the opinion that I am ultimately powerless in all things. That God will decide what happens to me, God will provide for me and God will take care of me. He has done this in fantastic ways all of my life and I can only believe He will continue to do so. So instead of working for my future on earth, I tend to live in the present and try to use my time to draw closer to God and to help other people learn to do the same. I am trusting God for what will come.

I lean heavily on what God has revealed to me in Scripture to make this choice.

Luke 22:34 “Then Jesus said to his disciples: Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Seems pretty clear to me. I don’t have the power to add a single hour to my life - no matter how much I plan or work for it. I am powerless. But praise God He has all things in control.

While I thought and thought and thought about these things over the last couple of days, God showed me how easy it is for Satan to distract us from God’s truth and His will for our lives. He still uses the same tactics that he did with Eve in the garden. He begins by trying to make her question the simple truth that God has clearly given her. In Genesis 3 he asks Eve, “did God really say that?” Once he gets her wavering and wondering if she has really heard God correctly, he throws another lie at her. He tries to convince her that she can have power. “You will not surely die . . . for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened.” Seems to me poor Eve didn’t gain any power - she simply lost the power for eternal life which she had only through remaining in Christ where all power and truth resides. Satan is a liar. He just tried the same trick on me -- to distract me from my ministry here on earth -- and I thank God who has all power for helping me to see that.

So in summing up what I firmly believe:
Yes, God really did say He would take care of my future. I don’t need to labor or worry. And no, I don’t have any power of my own, except for the power that I receive through redemption in Christ, and the power that I receive daily from the Spirit of God to live a worry-free life, carrying out God’s will for me in the present. God is good.

Ephesians 3:14-21
“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses all knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.”

Forget-Me-Not

2008-11-01T07:16:00.000-07:00

My brain is doing strange things lately. It seems like there is so much going on in my family and within the circle of people I care about at one time that I can’t remember anything. I am forever forgetting field trip forms, appointments and who needs to be where at what time. I stopped going to the doctor at one point because after making 3 appointments over the course of 6 months or so and not remembering to go to any of them I just gave up. Then I forgot to renew my license and ya’ll know where that led. And one day I forgot how to drive and turned the wrong way on main street like a fish swimming upstream. It used to come easily, but lately my head seems to be crammed with things I need to do and they are all crashing into each other. In my defense life has gotten a lot more complicated and the volume of things to remember has increased substantially. Unfortunately, in our family the job of keeping things straight has traditionally fallen to me because Bob was even worse at it than I am - although lately he has really stepped up to the plate and helped out a lot with that. However, I think the Fergusons are doomed to certain chaos. This week my neighbors went away for the week and asked me to pick up their mail while they were gone. I forgot. For the entire week. And I am quite sure they think I am a complete crackpot.
But there are some things I will never forget. Like the way my son looked like a man yesterday when he came home after spending two days at the University of Brandon. And the look of determination on his face when he talked about his future. That will be forever etched in my heart. Just like the image I have of a 5 year old Damyne, looking like a little boy, dressed in overalls heading off to kindergarten, brow furrowed and a look of determination on his face as he talked about how he was big enough to go to school on his own.

That young man can’t possibly know how much he has impacted my life and given me so much to live for. I am so incredibly proud of him and the person he has become. And so aware that he is about to move off into his life.
All of this has been expressed so beautifully in Luke 2:19 for me -- “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” I am sure every mother out there, when she reads this verse, smiles a quiet little knowing smile. Only a mother could fully feel the impact of those words I think. Oh Mary, what beautiful memories must have ripped at your heart as Jesus sacrificed himself to save you. So much love, so much joy and so much pain and loss all blended into an emotion that must have swelled your heart nearly to the breaking point.

So all the other stuff I am supposed to remember in the next year can just move aside because I am cramming my head full of snapshots of my son who is about to move into life and a beautiful girl that I can hang on to for a few more years.

Jesus is my salvation - yesterday, today and forever

2008-10-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

I love Jesus. There are no two ways about it. For a lot of Christians salvation through Christ is something they understand as being part of their future. They understand that they are saved from going to hell. But it is so much more than that to me. Salvation covers my past, present and future. Hell existed for me here on earth in a very real way before I turned to Jesus. I will never forget the horror of what that felt like, nor can I describe it to anybody else. Hell existed inside of me. I have truly walked through the valley of the shadow of death and felt the heat of hell melting my heart. Stared real hopelessness and damnation in the face and known real despair. But I was never alone even through the worst of it, Jesus never left my side. I remember it all so well, yet it seems strangely separate from me. And I have realized in the last few weeks how very free I am of it all. How very healed I am which is nothing short of miraculous.

My “past” is a long story that very few people know completely. My husband and my pastor are probably the only ones that really have heard the darkest hours of it all. Not because I am ashamed -- Salvation has covered even that and I am free of every shame and burden of regret. But the telling of it is exhausting even still. And I am conscious of the effect that it would have on those I love if I told it all too openly. Yet somehow I know that I will tell it in full one day soon because I know that there are a lot of people who will be helped by knowing how I have found freedom and that it is also theirs for the taking. Who knows perhaps I will write a book(?).

Having arrived at this place of peace where I now dwell I am thankful for all of it. Every miserable hour. Every agonizing day. Because every minute of suffering has led me to cling desperately to Christ. And so here I live in the present, filled with hope for the future, overwhelming joy at the daily presence of God and amazement at what it took for God to free me from that awful place. Those who meet me now don’t have the slightest hint of where I have come from. I have been so completely changed by Jesus and everything that He is and everything that He has done for me. God is everything that He says He is and He keeps every promise that He makes!

And now I am filled with a continuous desire to know Him more. To learn more about Him. To understand Him better. To move closer to Him. To do everything I can to see His face. He is everything to me. His glory is warm, safe, steady, beautiful and increasingly awe-inspiring.

For some reason I have been pondering all of this today for hours. Pretty much since the moment I woke up. I am deep in thought, yet resting safely and comfortably in the arms of Christ and my heart is smiling.

Not Change - Focus

2008-10-28T07:37:00.001-07:00

Hi Beautiful

I see you are feeling very negative. I smiled the entire time I listened to you this morning. Not because you are struggling today - I am sorry about that, but because in every word I realized how much alike we are. And how much I value your openness and authenticity in this insincere and pretentious world.

Today I am praying that you can see yourself from our perspective - and even more importantly from God’s perspective.

You are beautiful - physically and much more importantly on the inside. You have such a wonderful, creative and talented spirit and you know how much I value that. You are one of the very few people I know that is honest, open, authentic, REAL. That is so important to me and has made a huge impact on me personally. You are hilariously funny and so much fun to be around. You are forgiving, accepting, loving, passionate, thoughtful and can see deep things in people that they don’t even see in themselves. You are like a breath of fresh air that swirls around everyone you meet leaving them wanting more than the stale air this world allows them to breathe in. You have deeply touched my life and helped me to feel ok with who I am. I am a better person because I know you.

You don’t need change - you need focus. Ok, sure we all have negative things about us. Those things are simply bruises we have been afflicted with while walking clumsily around in a fallen world. They will heal and disappear as you become the person God has made you to be. When you are in heaven those things will be gone, but every good part of you will remain for all eternity. Stop looking at them. Shift your focus.

See all of yourself that is right. God created you and He did an amazing job. You are a masterpiece and He has been using you for so many years to sprinkle His love and beauty around the world. You just aren’t seeing that right now.

Yesterday I read this verse in the Bible and God made it clear to me in a way I had never understood before. It’s not about avoiding the bad things and fallen things in us and the world -- it’s about keeping our focus on the parts that are God. All the good and beautiful parts of you are an expression of who God is. And I personally love those things about you and I love you my friend.

So finally, friend, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

Rest

2008-10-21T05:24:00.000-07:00

My friend, who lives nearby, recently started a new blog. I have really enjoyed reading what he has said in his blog. Somehow in reading someone’s writing you catch a deeper glimpse into their thoughts. What’s important to them, what they are passionate about, can often come through in the written word in a way so different from spoken thoughts. And then I realized that my other friend, who lives far away now, has recently begun to update her blog again. I am so glad that she has because I miss her and her thoughts and laughter. And now I can hear them again through the things she writes in her blog.

And so I am deciding to restart my own blog. Although I am sure all of you have given up visiting my blog since I haven't posted in forever. And so I sat down and said, “what of significance is going on in my life?” What do I have to say? What am I feeling? And I realized something amazing. For the first time in my life I am truly happy. Not in the way that everything around me is perfect or right. But just in the way that I am in the right place, filling the right space, doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life - at exactly the right time. It’s a really good feeling. A sort of a weird sense of peace and rest.

Which I think must be the sort of “rest” God has intended for us. Not a lying around, sleeping, doing nothing sort of rest. But a getting up, going about your business in easy trusting joy, kind of rest. It’s really a “come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest” sort of thing. God has overcome so much in my life over the years. Not the least of which has been my own pride and the things I have been hanging on to that were keeping me from being where God knew I should be and doing what God knew I should do.

So the word rest has really taken on new meaning for me. The english language can seem so silly sometimes. A single word can mean so much that you are never sure what anyone is really saying. Like when God “rested” after He created the world. Was He tired? Did He say, “whew that was hard work I better take a rest.” Of course not! He was simply done. And then I imagine He sat back with His mighty hands behind His head and enjoyed the rest of soul which comes from knowing that He did exactly the right thing at exactly the right time. Then He gave us another gift (as if creation wasn’t already marvelous enough), He blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it He enjoyed rest from all the amazing work He had done. So every seventh day, we too can sit back, put our hands behind our heads and rest in the knowledge that God is God. He is doing exactly what He is supposed to be doing, exactly when He is supposed to be doing it and for exactly the right reasons. All we have to do is align ourselves with what He has planned for us, and then voila - happy rest. In the midst of all the turmoil that the world can throw at us. Simple rest is more than enough. God is good.

Things I Hate!!

2008-05-23T11:03:00.001-07:00

This is Jorja working out some fear, anger and frustration

Things I Hate

by Jorja Ferguson

I hate the person who invented a "sleepover"

I hate the silly game "red rover"

I hate when people call me "small eyes"

I hate the texture of pumpkin pies

I hate the flowers that we can't pick

I hate how I'm always getting sick

I hate how my brother's growing so fast

I hate and regret what I've done in the past

I hate when people laugh at my dance

I hate it when they make fun of my pants

I hate when I can't go to a celebration . . . even when I got an invitation

I hate when I'm grounded . . . even if I can read

I hate mechanical pencils

I hate plastic stencils

I hate how my ears always clog up

I hate when people tell me to shut up

I hate the telephone's ring

I hate when people say I'm not old enough

I hate when people tell me "tough"

I hate how I've caused lots of pain

I hate that I can't go swimming again

I hate that I have to punish myself

I'll put all my toys up on the shelf

After this poem I will not write

Till someone comes and says it's alright

My Daughter is a Famous Author

2008-05-19T08:59:00.000-07:00

Winnnipeg Free Press
The Best of 2008 student writing
Printed Sunday, May 18, 2008

As part of Manitoba Book Week the Association of Manitoba Book Publishers sponsors a contest for young writers.
Here are the 2008 winners and their entries.

Jorja Ferguson, a Grade 5 student, won in the Middle Years category (Grade 5-8). With her is teacher Elizabeth Van Blaricom. (Mike Deal/winnipeg Free Press )

Syris

By Jorja Ferguson

I hid in the shadows until Syris; she was the only light that gleamed in my life. My Mama said that Syris was an angel, but she was my angel. Daddy died when I was born but I was never told how he passed, Syris said that he still loved me but I wasn't sure, was she always right? Has she always been right?

We walked through the fields in East Selkirk, Manitoba, together. Just me and my best friend, Syris. We would admire the wildlife; Syris was always good with animals. She loved the deer when they pranced by her. She would lie in the meadows for hours talking about how much she knew that the animals were God's gift to us all.

I knew that Syris was not ordinary; I knew she was more important than me. Maybe that's why she is not here today. She was special, she was my life, and she changed my life. I no longer hide thanks to Syris; I don't need to hide because Syris is with me now and forever. I know that she won't forget me; I can feel Syris and she can feel me. The one thing that I am sure of in life is Syris. She has never disappointed me and I have never doubted her.

That warm summer night when we were eleven is my greatest memory. When Syris handed me her most important possession; the gold trimmed music box. I still treasure it in my bedroom. I open its heavy, pink lid and listen to the tune that will ring in my head for eternity. The prairie crocus danced around in the box.

Syris has always been proud of her country and especially her province. Manitoba was Syris' inspiration. Syris was my inspiration. She was always looking at only the good in people, as if there was no bad. She taught me a few things about this world and since then I've never looked at it the same. Who was the one that said being different was not good. Syris was never afraid to be different. She said that Manitoba shows the best of the world. I could never be like Syris. But I would sure love to.

But I learned soon that our province was magical, everything that I saw was different than anything that you could find in a different place in the world. Although I will never see Syris again, I will remember her by the wind, the stars, the moon and everything that surrounds my life. Syris has moved on to help the hearts of others but still when anyone asks me what I like most about Manitoba, I simply reply "It is what I found in Manitoba, I found Syris."

2008-05-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

Looking into Isaac's Eyes

2008-01-29T09:00:00.001-08:00

Here is more faith than I will ever know:

"When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!"

I've Been Busy

2007-12-10T18:51:00.000-08:00

I am having a productive couple of days. I painted another picture (shown here, Bird's Hill Park in the early Spring). I pulled out the harp, dusted it off once again and relearned the Canon in D. Thanks Ryan & Verna for asking me to play at your wedding! I haven't played in a while and wanted to make sure I still could. I missed it and it was wonderful to pluck away the afternoon with my old friend. Speaking of old friends, the most important thing I did was to hang out with some people I have neglected and visit some people I have not seen in long while. I missed them too and it was so good to see them all again. And to top that off I read a great book -- Tozer: Mystery of the Holy Spirit, which has really strengthened my resolve and given me confidence to pursue God's will for my life. It is just so good to hear a great man of God like Aiden Tozer verify things that you believe. So that is about it!

This is the Way, Walk in It

2007-12-05T23:06:00.000-08:00

I am going through a confusing time in my spiritual journey and in trying to find direction for my life. This evening was very hard as I received some difficult news. While I was expecting it, it was hard to hear nonetheless. Inevitably, I questioned everything I believed about myself and where I felt God was leading me. Was He leading me? Was He even there? Did He care that the bottom had just dropped out of my world? Did He intend to leave me in the valley, or lead me back to His mountain?

Then I heard Him whisper in my ear over and over:

"Right here child. Look right here.

Don't look to the left or to the right.

Stare straight into my face.

I am your deliverer. There is none like me."

And when I got home, after a long cry, my Deliverer and Comforter led me to this scripture (revised just for me):

Isaiah 30:19-22

O daughter of heaven, who lives in the world,

you will weep no more.

How gracious I will be when you cry for help!

As soon as I hear, I will answer you.

Although the Lord gives you bread of adversity and the water of affliction,

your teachers will be hidden no more;

with your own eyes you will see them.

Whether you turn to the right or left,

your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,

"This is the way; walk in it."

And so I go on, following His voice. I will keep you posted as to where He leads me.

Logan, the Sky Angel Cowboy!

2007-12-05T09:39:00.001-08:00

A remarkable phone call from a 12-yr old boy to Houston radio station KSBJ FM 89.3. So profound, the station has it posted on their website. Click below to listen to it. It's short .

I painted!

2007-12-01T18:44:00.000-08:00

I finally had time to do a little painting. Only when I say little I really mean a big painting. It's 5 feet tall. And my house is really small so I just can't hang it in here. What the heck am I going to do with it? No matter. Creating helps me stay whole so it was the process that was the important part. And I really like it. It has so much more detail and color in person. I think I am learning a lot about how to make the paint and brushes do what I want them to do so that is important too.

Newsboys Go Tour

2007-11-12T07:20:00.000-08:00

Our lives have been sort of busy and serious lately, so we decided to have a "fun" evening for a change. So we took the whole family and Damyne's friend Ruth and went to see the Newsboys at the MTS Center last night. It was highly entertaining, energetic an LOUD! We loved it!

The opening act was a Canadian band called Newworldson - Damyne really liked these guys. I wasn't so sure. The singer had a great voice and style, but then as he sang "Babylon is gonna fall" I was singing along thinking the lyrics were "Bad baloney's gonna fall." I wasn't sure what that meant but the tune was catchy at least and it had a really good groove.

Then Kutless came on. Damyne and I LOVE these guys. I think it was a bit heavy for Bob and Jorja, but they survived. Musically they were truly amazing - incredibly talented musicians. A little bit of guitar and jumping acrobatics to add some entertainment value. They really worked hard to get everyone pumped up and ready for the Newsboys. It was good.

And then of course the Newsboys were fantastic. They really put on a great show -- but it was certainly not without an endless amount of spiritual value. We sang, we jumped, we clapped, we worshiped, we turned our eyes on Jesus, we prayed, we laughed. And then there was this awesome crazy spinning drum thing at the end of the show -- really cool (see post below).

So all in all it was a good evening and I would definitely do that again.

Newsboys Drum Stage

2007-11-12T07:18:00.001-08:00

Damyne wants one of these for Christmas if anyone wants to buy him one!

Yahweh

2007-10-23T03:26:00.001-07:00

I am in a bit of a funk right now. (6 days and holding) This song has been the only thing to penetrate my brain and make me look up to see my God again. So I put it here to remind me that He's still there and that He goes before me.

Bob has a boo-boo

2007-09-17T16:31:00.000-07:00

So last night Bob and I were getting ready for bed. We were both tired a cranky because it had been a long day -- a great day, but a long one. (Ok -- we were both tired but I was the cranky one). Then he goes to take off his sock and gets his finger caught in it in some bizarre way. And he lifts it up and says, "oh no something happened to my finger." Sure enough the end of his finger is completely bent over at some weird angle and he can't straighten it out. So I say, "your fine just go to sleep and it will straighten itself out in the night after your muscle relaxes". Yeah that's right I basically told him to "suck it up princess and stop bothering me". Like I said I was tired and cranky. So he wakes up in the morning and his finger is still all bent over like the hunchback of Notre Dame. He finally went to the walk in clinic before supper today and sure enough he has sprained the tip of his finger. Doctor says it is too bad he didn't get some medical attention right away because the chances of compelte recovery would be better. Now he might end up with a permanently bent finger -- oops. So here he is with a tiny little splint and an excuse to give everyone the finger. Really, that doesn't seem very Christian-like does it?

DONE

2007-09-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

Well that's it. We're done. We open the doors tomorrow. We are very excited to see what God will do here and that makes all the hard work more than worthwhile. We have had so many beautiful people give soooo much of themselves to see this vision turn into a reality. I have been very blessed to have the chance to work alongside them and I really looking forward to spending some time with them enjoying the space.

May the name of Jesus be lifted up and glorified in this community as we seek to love the people of this town through this gift we have been given ! AMEN - may it be so.

One Week To Go

2007-09-08T09:11:00.000-07:00

So we really are living on "the Edge" because we have only a week and it seems like a lot to do yet. But we are confident that it will all come together --- right Michelle?!?! Our Grand Opening is Sunday, September 16th.

Edge Page

2007-09-04T21:17:00.000-07:00

Thanks Deanne for making this pretty

webpage for the Edge - you're great
http://www.riversedgechurch.ca/edge.htm

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-09-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

Bob's cousin Brian and his wife Annie just had a brand new bundle of joy yesterday. Here he is with his brother Desmond and sister Hannah. Welcome to the world little Jackson Ramsey, may God keep you close to His heart every day that you walk on this earth.

On "The Edge" of launching our ministry center

2007-08-28T06:05:00.000-07:00

Time is passing much too quickly. We have only 2 weeks until our grand opening and soooo much left to do. It will take a miracle to get it finished -- but then again it took a miracle to get us to where we are now so we will trust God to finish His work. We still need more furniture, a coffee bar, a hot water tank installed, electrical work done, and a whole lot of little things that keep coming up. We are very encouraged by people's response when they discover what we are doing. There has been a lot of curious folk peeking in the window. Our Steering Committee and Pastor are busy shaping a great schedule of programs. We will be running Alpha, Overcomers, youth events, various men's and womens programs as well as having a weekend coffee-house with local entertainment.

Will you pray for our ministry center?
We realize that we have been provided with an opportunity to do something for this community and we are both excited and nervous. We want the name of Jesus to be lifted up and the glory of God to shine into this community. And as we watch our neighbors in the hotel across the road caught in the grip of alcohol and sin, we are increasingly aware how much they need Christ. And as we approach the grand opening, we are increasingly aware of how much we need God -- we can't do any of this on our own. So please pray for us.

Some more paintings for The Edge

2007-08-17T07:57:00.000-07:00

Well they won't hang in this order or anything, I just threw them down and took a picture.

Introducing . . . . . The Edge

2007-08-16T04:27:00.000-07:00

We have been working very hard on our new ministry space. We are calling the space “The Edge” and are busy renovating and decorating. It has been very exciting to see God moving and providing for this ministry and such a privilige to be allowed to play a small part. The space will be used for various ministries that will serve the community of Selkirk. The center will have a “coffee-house” feel complete with leather furniture, bar tables/stools, big screen tv and a stage. Our ultimate goal is to reach out to our community with the message of Christ.

Here are some pics of us getting things started. We have had so many wonderful people out to help us -- we love and appreciate every one of you. I feel especially happy that I have been able to spend a little more time with the Waldner family while we worked side by side together -- you are truly remarkable people. To my partner Michelle (the brains and heart of this whole project) -- it has been a joy to work along side you and get to know you better.

I will try to post new updated pictures as the process continues -- there's still a lot to do.

You can see Pastor Neill busy at work above the 201 sign -- I thought he said he was afraid of heights! And yes Tim -- we really did pick those colors!!!!

Pair of Paintings

2007-08-04T09:21:00.000-07:00

Such a bad representation because these are the same color in real life and all. But you can sort of get a feel for what they look like.
Scripture references are:
John 8:12 --- John 7:37

New Painting

2007-08-03T11:18:00.000-07:00

I am still working on the other painting idea, but in the meantime I took a break from it and painted this tree. And I love it, which is completely unheard of for me. Again the colors just don't come through from the photo which is too bad because it is really vibrant and soooo pretty. So you can't see it from the photo, but there is a scripture notation at the bottom of the painting. Jeremiah 17:7-8.

Thanks Michelle -- you inspired me to paint with red because you were looking to "bring in a little more red to the Edge". This is the exact red that the wall color in the library area will be so it may fit nicely there, or could go pretty much anywhere else to bring the red around to other areas. I think you will really like this one. It's big too 4' x 3'.

What do you think?

2007-07-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

I am working on this painting - well a series of paintings actually. If they work out I plan to hang them in our ministry center. This is my first "test" painting. I am not entirely happy with how it turned out and plan to make a couple of changes. I thought I would live dangerously and put it out there for some feedback. If you have any, please be honest. I would really like to know.

Unfortunately the color doesn't really come through from this photograph. The colors were chosen because we will be painting the ministry center in these colors. It is a 3 ft x 4 ft painting and will be hung in a group of 4 same size paintings - so it's a big undertaking and I don't want it to suck and stuff.

Thanks and don't worry, if you give me some negative feedback in the way of constructive criticizm I will still be your friend.

Candi Pearson-Shelton, Glory Revealed

2007-07-24T06:35:00.001-07:00

David Crowder - We Win!

2007-07-03T19:28:00.001-07:00

This song (and David Crowder) has offered me so much spiritual encouragement in the last few days that I simply had to share it. Just when I was at the point of once again feeling that the world was in a hopeless mess, God reminded me that He's already won -- All I need to do is shout loud, loud until He brings down the walls. Everything for His glory!

2007-06-26T09:30:00.000-07:00

Just some random shots of my kids. (Mostly Jorja because Damyne won't let me take his picture.) I am thinking about them because Jorja just called from school saying she threw up again. So Bob went to pick her up and I am stuck here at home wondering how to help her. These are great kids, I sure wish I could protect them from all the lousy things that happen in life.

Jorja at her dance ricital with our little friend Eden.

Jorja and her best friends

Jorja and Brady at the zoo

Damyne's in the middle concentrating on drumming and that's Brittany on the left hand edge.

Daughter still sick

2007-05-28T13:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I thought she was better. So I sent her to school. Then she got sick and threw up on the floor. So now she is sick and humiliated. So I made her another appointment and we will march back over to the doctor tomorrow and force him to make her better. Really though, he seems as helpless as I do. I think she has been sick in some way or another for about 2 and a half weeks, at least she has managed to pop into school every few days so she doesn't fall behind. I'm not sure they are teaching her much over there anyway. So anyway, more prayer please.

Prayer for a sick girl

2007-05-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture of my poor sick little girl. Doctor says she has picked up some sort of virus. She has been sick for about a week and a half and has missed 6 days of school in total. Every day I expect her to wake up feeling better, but it just doesn't seem to happen. I feel very helpless. Doctor can't help. Antibiotics won't work. Chicken soup seems to do no good.

But I know that our God can make her better.
So I am sending out this prayer request.
Will you please pray for Jorja.

My Robot

2007-05-15T10:48:00.000-07:00

I finally have time to blog -- because my robot is vacuuming for me. His name is Roomba and he is my new best friend. I got him for a mother's day gift from my crazy family who don't want to see me spending all my time doing housework. He is pretty cool. I can schedule him to start vacuuming while I am away and then when he is done he puts himself away in his docking station -- too funny.

Roomba and I are getting ready to celebrate Damyne's 16th birthday tonight. Hard to believe that kid is almost grown up. So for his birthday he got a new drum and he started some serious percussion lessons with a music teacher from the University of Brandon. He was pretty happy with that.

Well I have to go. Roomba is almost done and unfortunately I don't have Scubba yet (floor washing robot) so I will have to wash the floor myself!

My Kids

2007-04-19T05:10:00.000-07:00

I am normally not prone to openly bragging about my kids. I always know they are great but believe that every kid everywhere is special and wonderful. However, today I just can't help myself. Because my kids are really great kids and I have no idea why God gave them to me because I certainly didn't deserve it.

Take my son for example. Damyne was just called into the office yesterday at school so they could tell him that he has the second highest grade point average in grade 10. This is a really big school we are talking second highest out of about 500 kids. He missed the #1 spot by only .23 So he says, "hmmm, I guess if I was putting some effort into it I could easily have beat that." I overheard one of his friends tell someone the other day that Damyne is a genius and they seemed to really respect him for it. In my day smart kids just got beat up. So he really has the world by the tail and can do anything he wants with his life. He is talking seriously about being a musician. But with Damyne we are not just talking a guy playing drums in a band -- he has wide interests, has learned to play the piano in half a year and is showing interest in composing. So I am thinking more on the lines of Mozart. But I do worry a little. The reality of a musicians life isn't generally that easy. They aren't called starving artists for nothing, but whatever he wants to do, I am behind him.

Then there is my beautiful daughter. Yet another multi-talented individual who seems to succeed at everything she does. But her passion is unmistakable. This child was born to write and has no choice but to follow that path or perish trying to hold the words inside. She is your classic creative personality. Absent-minded one minute and then BAM an idea hits her and she is running for her laptop to write it down. No amount of discipline seems able to curb the whirlwind that is Jorja. She has a presence that demands to be noticed and I feel infinitely sorry for the man she will marry. She will capture his heart and then set his life heading down her tornado-like road before he is even aware it happened.

Bad Dog Owners

2007-04-16T06:57:00.000-07:00

It was really beautiful out yesterday so we decided we would take our dog out for a walk in Bird's Hill Park. He hasn't really been very active all winter. (Ok, he lied on the rug and slept for the past 5 months.) We try to be good pet owners . . . really . . . but he hates the cold so he won't go outside in the winter. Now I am feeling very guilty about not taking care of him. After we had walked only about 1/2 hour, he started to pant REALLY HARD. I mean it was so loud it was embarrassing already. I walked a little ways behind them, pretending I didn't know Bob. It got so bad that Bob had to pick him up and carry him for a while. Then he put him back down and the dog puked 4 times all over the place. So Bob eventually took him and put him on a snow bank so he would cool off. And apparently he just lay there stretched out like he was dead (Jorja and I left at this point because we were still too embarrassed to admit we knew them.) I was pretty sure he was going to have a heart attack and die, but he somehow pulled through and he is still with us. So I guess I will have to get him out for a short walk every day to get him back in shape . . . but it's raining today so I will take him out tomorrow. . . really I will, I mean it.

Ice Jam Gone

2007-04-14T04:55:00.000-07:00

Well our flood is finally over. Quite suddenly yesterday the ice jam gave way and within just a few hours the river dropped about 10 feet. So everything is left a dirty mess of course, but at least it's over. A team of engineers invaded the bridge and checked it out and the powers that be have decided that it is still usuable. Yahoo! Although I really hope they know what they are doing because I was actually a little nervous driving over it. I could vividly imagine the whole thing collapsing underneath me and sending me careening into the cold icy river. So for all those who were wondering, life's back to normal here in Selkirk.

Tree63 - King

2007-04-13T10:35:00.001-07:00

Selkirk Bridge in Trouble

2007-04-09T07:32:00.000-07:00

The ice is still jammed up at the bridge. I think we have definately set a record for longest ice jam in town for sure. Sad thing is it looks like there has been major structural damage done to the bridge and it is likely that it will not be in operation after this is over. Of course I am selfishly thinking about how annoying it will have to be to drive all the way around the other way to get Jorja to school from now on. But seriously, it is like a funeral over at the bridge. People drive up, walk out to look at it all somber and sad. This is an important landmark in Selkirk which been there through a lot of peoples lives. One lady was even weeping as she took it all in yesterday. So I guess I will have to retract my previous statements of fun and excitement in my last post out of respect for those who have lost something important to them. The marine museum was flooded worse than ever before and so were the condimimums on the river. Somehow though, God has kept the water out of the Gordon Howard Center even though it is below sea level right now (or ice level anyway). So we are thankful for God's provision for our church and the nice seniors at the Gordon Howard.

Flood

2007-04-05T08:25:00.000-07:00

Well it's flood time again here in Selkirk. Apparently it's looking pretty bad this year. Water's completely covering the waterfront and up almost as high as it's ever been, at least right here in town. The condos beside the waterfront have been evacuated and a chunk of Eveline street closed down. I do feel bad for those people whose property and homes are threatened, but I still love this time of year. This is about as exciting as it gets out here in the middle of nowhere. Helecopters constantly fly about, news people everywhere, officials from the EMO nervously pacing up and down the waterfront -- I love it! We had to remove everything from our church which is held in the lower floor of the Gordon Howard center, but the entire church fits in the back of a van so that was easy. I love that too, church in a box. We can go anwhere we please, set up church and voila we are worshiping! Somehow the whole transient church thing suits us very well. Most church goers resist change, but I have come to realize that I thrive on it. So other than the cold, I have no complaints, this is life and I am enjoying the uncertainty of things.
Here are some pictures of the waterfront, bridge and the city workers busily trying to keep water out of my church.

Worship Leader.

2007-03-29T06:21:00.001-07:00

ok, this 30 second clip just cracked me up for reasons that should be obvious to those who know me

Act of Coffee Kindness

2007-03-22T07:07:00.000-07:00

Hey whoever you are -- the woman in the silver van with the big beautiful dog -- thanks for the coffee (Tim's drivethru @ 9:00 am).
I know you will never read this but I needed to tell you that you have really impacted me today. What you couldn't know is that I was sitting in my van thinking that the plight of mankind was hopeless and there was nothing good left in the world. And then you paid for my coffee, and I felt God smile and everything seemed ok again. So thanks!

Thank you Jesus

2007-03-19T08:34:00.001-07:00

In Defence of Casting Crowns

2007-03-17T08:59:00.000-07:00

I like this band. They have impacted me with their music on many occasions. I have heard some talk (and trashing) of them and one of their songs in particular recently: “If We Are the Body.”

While I don’t think this is one of their better songs, I find the song to be very useful in getting me to re-examine my attitude and behavior as a Christian. I think the song is intended for believers and that it will most likely be misunderstood by non-believers, possibly even adding fuel to their already growing criticism of the church. But let’s face it, people who want to bash Christianity will find reason to do that no matter what.

I think the song is not meant as a slam against the Body of Christ, but is intended to make the Christian ask questions:
“Am I doing my part as a follower of Christ?”
“Is my church doing what it should as part of the Body of Christ?”
“When a person, broken by the world, walks into my church is he met with the smiling face of Christ?”
“When a sinner enters my church is He met with acceptance, and the kind of sacrifice that will give up everything to make sure he has the opportunity for salvation?”

I suppose the band wrote this song as a reflection of experiences they have seen in their own church. I have seen examples of that kind of self-centered behavior in my own church on many occasions over the years. I think any church that is not willing to ask themselves these sorts of questions on a regular basis will inevitably fall into the same trap. Thus the usefulness of the song.

For me this song asks me if I am willing to show not “some love” – but “all the love Jesus would show.” The kind of love that is willing to give up everything to love another. The kind of love that is willing to give up all physical comfort, family, and material possessions. That’s the kind of sacrifice Jesus has asked us to make. The kind that gives up home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for Christ. I think that is the drastic love the body of Christ should display. I fall short of this all the time and need to be reminded frequently. Thus the usefulness of the song.

I think the song is not meant to trash the Body of Christ, but to ask you personally if you have shown that kind of love. If you consider yourself part of the Body of Christ, have you done all you should have done? The hands of Christ don’t do a “little reaching” and then settle into the pew to make sure they are fed. The feet of Christ don’t walk a little for Him and then put themselves up on the coffee table to take a break. The love of Christ doesn’t love when it’s convenient and then stop when it’s time to spend a comfy night on the sofa watching a movie for some “me” time.

So, maybe the song has flaws – just like we do. But I think the intent was good and I like it.

What is right with the Church?
-- A willingness to take an honest look at ourselves in the light of Christ. And seeing our flaws, covered by God's mercy and grace, the ability to rejoice in the chance to be further molded into the image of Christ.

Swimming Lesson

2007-03-12T03:46:00.000-07:00

I am just sitting here by myself feeling all melancholy and tired. I can't sleep. Bob woke me up when he left at 4 am for the airport and now sleep eludes me (that's right sweetheart it's all your fault.) He's heading to Edmonton for a couple of days and just leaving me here all alone and in such a ho-hum sort of mood.

I have had a trying few days. Nothing much really, I am just feeling a little discouraged. I sort of feel like I have been trying to hold up the world only to discover that I can't even hold myself up. Yeah, I know -- I am not trusting God enough. I have no problem believing He is able to do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine, I am just having a little trouble remembering that He WANTS to. He has been a little quiet lately. Which I have learned is a necessary part of our deepening relationship, but at heart I am still just a self-centered child and I like it better when my Daddy gives me constant attention and encouragment.

Our Pastor talked about growing strong through hardship yesterday. For me it is all so dependant on how aware I am of God's presence. When I know He is there I can endure anything. But when He feels far away, even the slightest obstacle becomes too much for me. But as Pastor Neill quoted from someone (I can't remember who of course), "God doesn't put us in deep water to drown us, but rather to teach us to swim." So today I will endure a swimming lesson as I learn to be strong in Christ, even when He is quiet.

Stepping into the Promised Land

2007-03-04T12:31:00.000-08:00

I just had a birthday. It was without question the best birthday ever!

It all started Thursday night as I spent time alone with God talking until after midnight when the new day came and I officially turned 40. He has really tied all of this together for me. 40 years of wandering in the wilderness over (weirdly timed to coincide with Lent). I can't even express how much meaning God has brought into this event for me. I really feel as if I am about to enter the promised land. Which comes with much celebration, yet much serious contemplation as God reminds me of the dangers of forgetting Him.

I was absolutely spoiled and blessed all weekend long. Starting with an angel serving me breakfast in bed on Friday morning. I spent time with family and friends and was taken out to a beautiful dinner. My husband and kids touched me deeply with the love they showed me this weekend. As most of you know, they made a video tribute and challenged my friends and family to carry out random acts of kindness on my behalf. It was absolutely beautiful. I wish I could post the video on my blog so all of you could see it and be inspired by the special people who worked so hard to reach out to others and make my birthday meaningful. You are all angels and I know with certainty that God loves me deeply, because he has surrounded me with so many exceptional people.

Some of the amazing acts of kindness that were carried out were:
a stranger's car was pushed out of a snow bank
driveways were shovelled
cookies were sent to a lonely man
someone was invited to spend an evening with a family
clothes were donated to the needy
gift cards for groceries were anonymously dropped into mailboxes
a lunch was bought for someone who had their lunch stolen
a project was started to carry out random acts of kindness all over Canada
40 letters of encouragement were sent out
someone's car was filled with gas for free
a surprise wedding anniversary party was planned
beautiful artwork was donated to a family
and most amazingly, the gospel was shared and new believers were added to the family of God.

I want to thank each of you for being on my birthday video and touching my heart. Here's everyone that appeared on my video.
Bob, Damyne, Jorja, Beijing, George & Darlene, Gerry & Betty, Uskiw family, Perdonic family, Ferguson family, Carr family, Michelle, Deanne, Jocelyn, Julie, Colin & Tasha, Wendy & Al, Coutts family, Dave & Betty, Pastor Neill, Tim & Sigrid, Edgar & Gisella, Hansen family, Richard, Iris, Mike & Carolyn, Mack & Tilly, Brian & Joan, Hank & Joyce, Randy and Nadine

overnight visitor

2007-02-24T10:10:00.000-08:00

It's been 20 days since I last posted. Just can't seem to find the time lately. But it's Saturday and I feel lazy so I thought I might take a moment to introduce you to our overnight guest. Can't tell you her name because she is from Germany and I have no idea how to spell it. She was a perfect lady. I don't think she understood a word I said in English, but she was very sweet and quiet. You may get the idea from the picture that these two dogs were getting along pretty well, but in reality they wanted nothing to do with each other. Beijing was scared of her and hid under stuff most of the time and I think she was just irritated by his presence if he did come near. You have no idea what I had to go through to get them to sit near each other for half a second so I could snap the picture! Thanks Ed & Gisella for trusting us to watch your little girl.

Coram Deo

2007-02-05T05:36:00.000-08:00

I have just begun to read Charles Colson's book "The Body." You just never know when you will be reading along or going along through life and suddenly something profound shakes you awake and makes you see things in the light of truth. I have a new motto for my life. It so beautifully expresses where I am at spiritually and where God has brought me in these last years, "Coram Deo."

(Quote from "The Body")
"During the Reformation, Coram Deo became a rallying cry for the Reformers. It meant "in the presence of" or "before the eyes of God," and, as R.C. Sproul has written, nothing marked the Reformation more than an awe of the holy, majestic God who had called men and women to Himself. It drove the Reformers to their knees in fear and reverence.
This was the same awe and reverence found in the very earliest accounts of the church, where we read that "great fear seized the whole church" -- the fear of the Lord. In fact, the early church was strengthened; and encouraged by the Holy Spirit, it grew in numbers, living in the fear of the Lord. How desperately the church today needs to take hold of that awe! To understand that we live day by day in the presence of God; that, in truth, we live each minute, each instant, not knowing whether in the next we will meet Him face to face."

Turkish Pillow Room

2007-01-25T05:25:00.000-08:00

This is my space. It used to be my son's room, but he moved into the basement. So we painted it purple - the color of creativity. I love it here and spend countless hours lying on the floor reading, playing my guitar, drawing or spending time alone with my Lord. When I was little I remember someone telling me that Turkish people had a special room in their homes filled with pillows. So that's what I'm working on. I am going to buy hundreds of pillows and make my own Turkish Pillow Room just for me (and my daughter uses my space whenever she wants.) We keep the room to ourselves simply by not having any furniture in it. It seems the men in my family don't understand the benefits of sitting on the floor. I don't know what it is. There is something about sitting on the floor that brings me in touch with who I really am, something that opens up my spirit and allows me to be me. So I wonder, does anyone else have their own special space?

Aquacising

2007-01-22T08:47:00.000-08:00

I started acquacises today, thanks to Tasha, wherever she is. I skipped out the first Monday (shameful yes, but it was really cold and I am a big baby). But I went today and it was great! I feel more energetic than ever. Tasha's mom was there and she is really nice so that was cool too. But now of course I am sooooo hungry that I may eat all the contents of the fridge. So while I will be getting fit, I just may gain 30 pounds.

I feel I must share the irrational fear that I was having while aquacising, so that all of you can think I am weirder than you first thought. I kept wondering, what if I forget the combination to my lock and I can't get my clothes out of the locker? Will I have to run through the high school in my wet bathing suit to use the phone in the office, thus humiliating my son who happens to be attending the school? Yeah, my mind is always doing stuff like that.

2007-01-15T04:58:00.000-08:00

http://www.davidbracken.com/music.cfm

Damyne and I had the privilege of leading worship with David Bracken yesterday at church. He has an incredible gift and an amazing energy. It's awesome to meet someone with this much talent who has dedidated himself and his music to Christ. Check out his website and if you ever have the chance, go see him, you won't regret it!

We're Cold!

2007-01-13T09:15:00.000-08:00

Last night was definitely one of the coldest nights we are going to have this winter and wouldn't you know it, our furnace stopped working. So it's cooooold in here. We really do have a sense that God is taking care of us though. When we moved in here Bob insisted on buying an electric fireplace and I am sure glad that he did. It at least kept us all from freezing to death in the night. I don't know what we would have done without it! We ran out this morning and bought a couple of little space heaters hoping to get a little warmer, and now we are waiting for the furnace dude to come. We take so many things for granted, but at times like these you are reminded what would happen if God wasn't watching over you. Here's Jorja and Beijing camped out in front of the heater. I think Jorja considers this an adventure, I have much to learn from her youthful optimism.

Home

2007-01-06T10:31:00.000-08:00

We are home again. I haven't decided if I am happy or sad about that yet. We arrived just in time to help a lady and her two little daughters out of a ditch where they were stuck in the snow - a reality check to be sure since it was just a day ago that we were wearing short sleeves and sandles! We didn't really see any snow at all until we hit North Dakota. Apparently there has been unusally warm temperatures everywhere. So now back to our normal uneventful lives. We did pick up a couple of new pets on the way though. Damyne found a live hermit crab walking the beach on Padre Island. We remembered that a store on the island was selling crab houses and stuff so we went to buy one. While we were there the kids ended up each buying their own crab house and a couple of crabs each. It was pretty cool because the store owners had painted a bunch of shells and the crabs were all walking around in colorful and fun shells.

Day 8 & 9

2007-01-03T20:10:00.000-08:00

One more day at the beach, then back to the trailer park in Weslaco where we hung out with the family for one more day, did some more swimming and picked oranges, grapefruit and giant lemons to take home with us. Here's a pic of us with the whole gang. Bob's parents, his brother Mike & family and us of course.

Day 7

2007-01-01T18:04:00.000-08:00

We are spending the night at Padre Island on the Gulf of Mexico. What can I say, it's beautiful -- sand, ocean, seashells. Ok, I admit it's a little cool, but compared to the snow I am hearing fell at home I have no complaints.

Day 6

2007-01-01T17:51:00.000-08:00

Wow! You have never experienced fireworks until you have been in Texas on New Years eve. These people are crazy. It all started as soon as it got dark. People all over town started to set off fireworks in their backyards. We went out into the street at the stroke of midnight at which time things got really crazy, we were all absolutely astounded. The entire sky lit up in every direction and the sound was incredible, like we were in a war. Bob's parents told us that the neighbors stayed inside because there were reports of people finding bullet holes in their awnings in the morning. Apparently people shoot their guns straight up in the air at midnight and what goes up must come down. While we didn't see anyone do that, from the sound you believed it was possible. Amazing experience for sure!

Day 4 & 5

2006-12-30T13:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we didn't do a whole lot. Arrived in Weslaco and just hung out with Bob's family. I seem to have developed a cold, so I slept a whole lot anyway.

Today, we visted Progreso, Mexico. We were all struck by the difference in the way of life they live. In the market there were so many women and children (some as young as 3 or 4) trying to sell anything they could to the rich Amercans that came across the border. And on the way out of Mexico we crossed a bridge where children were lined up underneath begging for money to be thrown to them. There was such a contrast to all the materialism we drove past all the way through the States. We are all so wrapped up in such a commercial way of living and don't even realize it because we are numb to it all.

Jorja and Damyne are having a great time hanging with their cousins and we are all enjoying the palm trees. Weather was hot yesterday, but cool today.

Day 3

2006-12-28T18:26:00.000-08:00

Another long but interesting day, all of which we spent in Texas . Started off at the Monolithic Dome site where we toured the domes and Bob chatted with the owner/inventor/millionaire guy for a long time. Later in the day we went on an hour-long underground tour of the caverns near Georgetown. They warned us to stay on the path to avoid bats, scorpions and poionous snakes. Damyne managed to get hit in the forhead by a flying bat anyway! Very funny, but freaked me out when it happened as I was a step behind him. The highlight of my day was discovering a town they named just for me right outside of Waco, Texas. Didn't see much of the city of Lorena, but figure maybe one day I'll move there and set up a weird cult or something.

Day 2

2006-12-27T20:49:00.000-08:00

Unlike the first day, we didn't get very far today, which was alright with us. The weather was beautfiful 14˚C. So we took our time and stopped for a long visit in Oklahoma City. We visited the Oklahoma City bombing site, which was a very sobering experience. Very hard to believe something so horrible could happen. There were stone chairs built as a separate memorial for each of the people that were killed. The little tiny chairs were heartbreaking and a few of them had teddy bears on them. It was hard to take in. But we followed that up with a visit to the art museum which we all loved. Here's a few pictures from the art gallery.

This glass structure was amazing, it was

3 stories high and made entirely of blown glass.

Jorja tries to blend in with the artwork.

We weren't too sure if we like the modern art or not?

The ceiling in this room was made of blown glass - beautiful!

Day 1

2006-12-27T20:21:00.000-08:00

We drove like crazy people the first day to see how far we could get in one day. Left at 4:30 am and finished the day at 9:30 pm. We were all pretty tired, but made it all the way to Topeka, Kansas so we were pretty happy with that. We hardly stopped at all, except for a brief field trip in Omaha to visit the zoo. We loved the zoo and loved Nebraska in general. Beautiful state! Here are a few pics from the day.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T03:45:00.000-08:00

". . . Christ Jesus,
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God
something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death --
even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.

(Philippians 2:6-11)

#10 Dome Homes

2006-12-22T10:41:00.000-08:00

(Julie, this is only #10 of my 15 posts this month. I was trying to finish before I went away, but I may not make it -- but at least I tried!)

Bob and I are interested in someday living in a dome. Yes, that's right a ball. Bob had this idea quite a while back, but recently he met another domophile (that's what they call people who love domes - they actually have a word for it.) So now the dream has been revived. Edgar is currently renting a dome, but it is a geodesic dome and both he and Bob are interested in concrete domes. It just so happens that we will be passing by the monolithic dome institute very soon in Italy (Texas) and Bob plans to stop and see what's going on in the dome world. Who knows what will happen if I let him? If you are interested in checking it out, the website is www.monolithic.com - pretty interesting stuff actually. Here's a pic of a well know dome in Arizona.

So, yah I know we are odd people.

Alliance Christmas Concert

2006-12-20T08:03:00.000-08:00

I attended the Selkirk Alliance Christmas concert Sunday night. Unfortunately, I broke my camera part way through so these are the only pics I got. But I thought some of you might enjoy seeing some familar faces.

"sleigh bells ring are you listening, hmm hmm hmm"

2006-12-16T15:05:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday Julie, Tasha & Deanne.
(I didn't get a good shot of Deanne, but she is the one stabbing Michelle with a hot chocolate cone in the baking picture a couple of entries ago!)

A lousy dollar

2006-12-15T07:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to the city with Bob. He was going for a cello lesson and I was going to do a little book shopping while he was at his lesson. As we drove Bob got a call and was talking on the phone, so I just looked out the window. And for a change I actually saw a bit of real life. You know the kind of life we try so hard to pretend isn't there. A child of no more than 9 or 10 standing alone, smoking. A man hobbling down the street on crutches, one leg having been amputated. A man dressed like a woman struggling to find his worth and identity. Someone lying on the sidewalk obviously in the depths of addiction. The faces and stories just flashed past as we drove and my heart became very heavy.

Bob pulled up to the corner of Hull's to drop me off where I was intending to spend some pleasant book browsing time. As we pulled up I saw a man sitting on the sidewalk right in my path begging for money. I grabbed a looney off the dash and got out of the van. Then everything just slowed down. You know, suddenly every little detail of what happened next seemed so crisp and clear and huge. It was warm and wet and the sidewalk was full of slush, but he sat in it anyway. As I walked up to him a well dressed couple approached from the other way. I bent down to drop my dollar in his cup and looked up just in time to see the woman wincing with disgust. And I just felt like my heart would break. I let go of the dollar and heard it plink into the bottom of the coffee cup he had obviously pulled out of the trash or off the ground. He held it with his good hand. His other hand, or at least what was left of it, was wrapped in a filthy rag. He saw my dollar fall into his cup, looked up with a face full of dirt and shame and quietly said, "thank you."
And I walked away.

Can you imagine? -- I gave him a lousy dollar. Not even enough to buy a cup of coffee. Here I am with the Good News of Jesus and all I give him is a dollar to appease my own guilt. Am I an ambassador for Christ or a coward? I know there would be a lot of debate about whether giving him money would help him or feed his addiction anyway, but that's not really the point. Because I know that there is a very short distance between the condition of that man's life and mine. I believe wholeheartedly that it is by the grace of God that I was not sitting there begging with him.

And I remembered a story my friend e-mailed me the other day. About a woman who was expecting a visit from Jesus. When He arrived He turned out to be a beggar.
Did I just give my Lord and Savior a lousy dollar?

Auguste Rodin and Christopher Pratt

2006-12-09T19:58:00.000-08:00

Well we finally made it to the art gallery to check out the Rodin exhibit. It was just as inspiring as I thought it would be. This is the sculpture that impacted me the most -- "Call to Arms." It was filled with such passion and energy. We also discovered a Canadian artist that is new to me, Christopther Pratt. His work was fascinating, epspecially when displayed alongside Rodin's. Where Rodin's work has a rough and raw sort of quality to it, somehow representing the unpleasant aspects of life as well as the beautiful parts of life, Pratt's work was so clean and perfect. When you look at his paintings you feel like you are in another world where there is no rust, dirt, broken things, you know normal aspects of life. Everything is incredibly controlled, even the emotion that the art evokes. I mean where Rodin's sculptures bring up every kind of emotion experienced by man, Pratt's held only calmness and control. Look at the picture of the trailers for instance. Can you imagine the people who live there in that perfect uncluttered, spot free world?

view out my kitchen window

2006-12-09T06:09:00.000-08:00

It looked so pretty out my window yesterday as the sun went down. Ok the picture doesn't do it justice, it was so much nicer in person. I needed Tasha to come and make some art out of my moment.

I had a great day yesterday. I did a little Christmas concert in the morning at the mental health center with an old friend. Phil and I haven't played together in a very long time, he brought his drum (some kind of Djembe) and I brought my guitar and we had a bit of fun so that was nice. Then Bob was home in the afternoon so I got to hang out with him, even nicer. In the evening our small group came over and as usual we had such a great time talking and laughing that we never got around to doing any study. Funny, the day really wasn't anything special. I have had that same day many times before and usually I end up tired and stressed out, as if the day is just a chore to get through or something. I think I am just finally getting the hang of life and what it means to live in Christ. Every moment is a gift and whether the day's events are happy or sad I can be at peace, resting in Jesus, trusting that He is in control. I can just sit back and open my eyes and take it all in. More often than not what I think is a problem or a stressful situation is really a gift of time full of beauty and interesting moments.

Ok that's all my rambling for now

# 4 Poem Written in 1657

2006-12-07T11:27:00.000-08:00

I played my harp at at palliative care service the other day and as they read through the list of names of the loved ones people had lost this past year, I was once again reminded that life is so short. And then I remembered this poem by Henry King (Yeah it's Henry King, not King Henry like I first thought). So just to bring you down a little on this lovely Christmas season here it is.

Like to the falling of a star,
Or as the flights of eagles are,
Or like the fresh spring's gaudy hue,
Or silver drops of morning dew,
Or like a wind that chafes the flood,
Or bubbles which on water stood:

Even such is man, whose borrowed light
Is straight called in, and paid to night.
The wind blows out, the bubble dies;
The spring entombed in autumn lies;
the dew dries up, the star is shot;
The flight is past, and man forgot.

#3 - This is what happens when women are forced to bake

2006-12-06T04:49:00.000-08:00

#2 -- 10 reasons why baking makes me angry

2006-12-05T10:18:00.000-08:00

1 it's boring
2 I suck at it
3 I can't follow instructions (recipes make me dizzy)
4 everyone else is better at it
5 I eat all the ingredients before they hit the bowl
6 it's messy (well it is when I do it anyway)
7 no one eats my baking anyway
8 it's repetitive
9 it's time consuming
10 and did I mention it is boring?

Sun Dogs

2006-12-04T04:39:00.000-08:00

Ok Julie. Here's #1.
I should have known it was going to turn unbearably cold (-34 with windchill this morning), because we kept seeing sundogs for a few days in the morning on the way to school. They were amazing, but really I'm freezing. Remind me again why I live here?

thinking

2006-11-23T12:14:00.000-08:00

You would think keeping your blog updated wouldn't be that hard to do, but I never seem to get around to it. There is always something else to do. But I have been sick for the last 2 weeks with some kind of flu (I think I have a touch of pneumonia but I am too stuborn to go to the doctor so who would know) and that is keeping me at home today. My sweet husband has handled all my normal errands for the day so that I can rest. Thus I am at home, in the quiet, thinking about stuff. Yesterday I wrote the final exam for a course I was taking and I couldn't be happier to have that over! Now maybe I can get back to do some art. There is a Rodin exhibit at the WAG and I have been anxious to get there so as soon as I am well enough that's where I will be. Other than that nothing seems to change. Our lives are full of music: Damyne and I are playing at church -- A LOT, Damyne is playing at school -- A LOT (his band teacher actually suggested to us that he expects Damyne has what it takes to make a career out of percussion), everyone (except me) is wrapped up in some sort of music lessons (Jorja is going to start violin soon, Damyne is getting hooked up with a private marimba teacher and Bob is doing great with the cello). Other than that we have made a lot of new and interesting friends lately. But we really miss all of our old ones and feel sad about that a lot too. So to any old friends reading this post -- hi, I miss you, hope you are doing well, hope we will see you again some day.

Life Goes By Too Fast

2006-10-21T14:38:00.000-07:00

I was spending time with my kids this week carving pumpkins and I was thinking about when Damyne was just a little boy and how much he loved to carve pumkins. Now he's 15 and it takes so much more to impress him than a little time with mom and a pumpkin. Then I was hanging out with Jorja and we were playing with her special doll Taryn (who looks exactly like her) and I realized that it wouldn't be long before spending time with mom and a doll became pretty dull for her. Where is the time going and where are my little kids gone? They are both growing up too quick. I know you have heard this a million times, but don't miss a moment of your life by being too busy to enjoy it. It all goes by so fast.

Ferguson Pumpkin Art

2006-10-20T13:21:00.000-07:00

Some inapproprate zoo moments, I hope this doesn't offend anyone!

2006-10-14T23:32:00.000-07:00

Starting Over

2006-10-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, I will give blogging another try. I decided to delete my last blog due to unforseen problems that arose from plastering my personal feelings and thoughts out there for the world to read.

So . . . . here I go again and here's what's happening with us. Bob got a Cello, Damyne got electronic drums, Jorja did great at her cross country run (they won 2nd), my family members are a bunch of clowns and my dog is really ugly.